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Dr. Jessi Gold, MD, MS, presents a thought-provoking memoir revealing her complex relationship with the healthcare industry and its call to serve others. She is transparent about how her physical and emotional work led to fatigue, burnout and medical mistakes. The author shares her personal mental health struggles for the benefit of all caregivers.
Dr. Gold thought everything was going great in her life until it wasn't. She was busy as a college professor, a university Wellness Officer, a sought-after media expert, a family member and a friend of many. She was important to countless people. Everybody seemed to need her, and she found it nearly impossible to say no to anyone. But then, one day, she committed a major error during a patient's session and was forced to evaluate how she was spending her days.
The doctor reassesses her relationship with the healthcare system through the perspectives of four medical workers: a 30-year-old resident suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, a pregnant nurse who has post-traumatic stress disorder, a medical student wrestling with test anxiety, and an emergency room doctor who is overwhelmed. The stories of the four patients are told with care and honesty. In describing these real-life experiences, the doctor invites readers to connect the patients' experiences with their own.
"How Do You Feel?" explores the mental and physical costs of caring for others. It expertly weaves excellent research with poignant stories demonstrating humans' capacity for learning, growing and connecting with others. Yet it is also a reminder that when caring for others, it is vital to take care of oneself. A quote that I resonated with is,
"But being empathetic in a world with so much pain and so much hate sometimes feels unbearable—as if I'm being eaten alive. There's no clocking out." This feeling captures the burden that empathy and compassion can weigh on people in professions where there is so much need and no set hours. The book delves deeply into the mental and physical costs of caring for others.
While profoundly personal, the book is a testament to the shared experiences and feelings everyone has. It provides reassurance to all caregivers, professionals, and family members who take care of someone at home for the long term. It serves as a reminder that caring for others can be emotionally demanding work and that caregivers must remember to care for themselves.
The one critique I have of the book is that it does not address the reality that medical care is a privilege. For many, accessing psychotherapy or other medical help is not an option because of financial, transportation or other barriers. This circumstance in itself can be the cause of physical and mental stress.
" How Do You Feel?" ends on an upbeat note, offering practical advice on mental health and emotional wellness. It reminds us that feelings—empathy, compassion, anger, etc.—are our strengths when connecting with others.
Dr. Gold's vulnerability and honesty will make many readers feel understood and supported. It is an inspiring message about the power of relationships, learning, and growth, a forceful reminder that we can become so invested in others that we fail to notice our own decline. To be helpful caregivers, we must first take care of ourselves. The doctor encourages those who care for others to pause and ask themselves, “How Do You Feel?”
About the Author: Dr. Jessi Gold is the Chief Wellness Officer of the University of Tennessee System and an associate professor in psychiatry. She was previously on staff at Washington University, St. Louis. As a fierce mental health advocate, the media seeks her out for her expertise in burnout and other mental health issues. Dr. Gold is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, the Yale School of Medicine, and Stanford Medicine.
Dr. Gold will speak at the Washington Public Library on Thursday, March 13th, at 6:30 PM. All are invited to her presentation, which Neighborhood Reads Bookstore and the Friends of the Washington Public Library will sponsor.
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