"An Inconvenient Widow" | Reviewed by Bill Schwab

A new biography of Mary Todd Lincoln (1818-1882) reveals the often-maligned first lady as both an ambitious, astute political figure, circumscribed by the rigid expectations imposed on women of the time, and a wife and mother weighed down by unimaginable grief. Born into an elite Kentucky family, Mary grew up among the aristocrats who founded Lexington. She declared at an early age that she was destined to become the wife of a US president. Her drive to secure the White House and influence her husband's political decisions played a key role in Lincoln's 1861 election.

Her hopes, however, were dashed due to the Civil War, which occupied most of her husband's time in office, and by the tragedy of losing two sons to illness and her husband to assassination. A widow at 46, she was often accused of supporting the Confederacy, due to her southern roots, but Mary persevered, supporting Union troops, aiding wounded soldiers, and advocating for enslaved people.

Mary also had shortcomings, which Romano explores nonjudgmentally. While serving as first lady, she gloried in being the center of attention, struggled to control her temper, and alienated influential Washington leaders by inserting herself into the midst of all-male policymaking.

She suffered from depression, which led to long periods of isolation. Mary had trunks full of clothes she never wore because of a shopping addiction, and she freely spent government funds while renovating the White House to aristocratic standards.

Many pages of the book are devoted to Mary's tumultuous relationship with her oldest son, Robert, the only child who outlived her. Robert seemed more devoted to his own political career than to helping his mother cope with widowhood. The young widow struggled emotionally and financially. It took until 1870 to convince Congress to grant her a pension.

The dispirited widow was an easy target for spiritualists whom she frequently consulted, hoping to reach her deceased husband and sons. She unrelentingly begged friends for money because she had no income. Robert, so embarrassed by his mother's behavior, had her committed to a mental institution. Romano maintains that Mary was troubled and depressed but not insane.

"No one considered gradations of mental illness in the nineteenth century," she writes. "You were either labeled a difficult personality or called insane and sent to an asylum." Mary hired lawyers who successfully won her release after many months of being institutionalized.

Afraid that Robert might recommit her to an asylum, Mary moved to France for four years. Serious health issues prompted her return to the United States, where she and Robert were reconciled. Mary died of a stroke and was buried next to her husband in Springfield, Illinois.

Romano brings depth and dignity to Mary's life by treating her with empathy. The biography is a fresh portrait of this transfixing woman. I appreciated Romano's balanced reporting on Mary's life. The book includes almost 120 pages of endnotes referencing hundreds of archives, letters, and memoirs to create a transparent picture of Mary. The account serves as a counterbalance to the many books about Mrs. Lincoln written by people who disliked her.

Romano sifted through the truth and the deceptions, depicting Mary Lincoln as human, flawed, and relatable. A woman who loses two young sons and one son at 18 and witnesses her husband being shot in the chair next to her deserves commendation and compassion for surviving in the midst of unfathomable sorrow.

About the author: Lois Romano is a longtime national journalist who was an editor, columnist, and reporter for The Washington Post and Politico, and has covered numerous first ladies.

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